December 24th, 2008 by Jeremy

They’re like a shift in human perception- one in which the scope is narrowed and the path, widened. I certainly understand, which is why I can hold my breath as everyone I know goes on to do their own thing within their own little facet of the world. With my chin level to the ground, I can exhale- knowing that the patterns will reemerge and fall back into their rightful places. In Latin, Jehovah begins with an “I”.

Remember that Man made time linear before he dedicated certain days to religious and historical remembrance. Once created, time enslaved the whole of the human race in the name of reference. Every moment in the present is stamped and labeled, carefully documented as we move on obliviously about our lives.

At this time, on this day- I nurtured a little confidence instead of that other wild thing that follows me around- the one with those big, black, onyx spheres for eyes which look up at me and project care and concern. It’ll stay on the ground today, kneading at the side of my leg, without any opportunity to nurse at my neck as it rests heavily on my shoulder. I know my skin is still raw from the last time I picked it up, but I’ll not lay my fingers upon the wound. It will go away clean on its own.

Ah- Confidence. My Strength. My Pillar. My Lame Faith. A cold stone to hold myself against as the torrents of my own change whip around me invisibly. I will more than survive this moment. When I open my eyes and stand with my feet, the days will be long and prosperous and the nights, restful and warm. That is the end I should walk towards in the search for a new beginning for my new self. Yet for now… I will continue praying for the strength to weather the storm.