Tonight, I wish to tell you a story about a creature called a Troll. Since the dawn of humankind, the Trolls have depended on unknowing humans to make Troll’s Milk, which is not milk at all- but rather a sticky grain. You see, Troll’s Milk needs to be warm to grow- and the warmth of a human is the perfect temperature to yield their crops. As time moved on, these creatures grew wise about their crops and how to keep them safe. They noticed that most adults were becoming aware of the milk and were washing the seeds away after only hours of the Trolls planting them. They noticed, also, that human children were more fertile and less caring of the crops. In knowing this, the Trolls come to children in the night and plant the seeds behind their ears so that it may grow throughout the day- away from the child’s sight. The following night, if the milk is still there, the Trolls suck on the grain and plant more. However- if there is no grain, the creatures starve and attempt to plant more seeds.

There is another interesting side-effect of the Troll’s Milk. Children that do not wash away the seeds every day become affected by them, little by little. A person who proves to be a high-yielding crop of Troll’s Milk slowly becomes a disgusting creature which is half Troll and half human, called a Bum. So influenced by the Milk, these creatures seek to willingly provide for the trolls, sleeping in garbage and in the shadows of public places to grow the grain faster. Of course, still being part human, the Bums completely deny being friends of the Trolls so that they can live among the humans and collect their trash.

I’m telling you this story so that you can stop the Trolls from sucking behind your ears as you sleep and stop yourself from becoming a Bum. All you have to do is wash it away in the morning.